People are always trying to control the outcome of their interactions when it comes to women. I should know; I used to be a serial offender in this department. My favourite pastime was to just sit at home, read endless amounts of theory, try and find the perfect way to approach a woman without making any mistakes. It would always turn out to be counter-productive of course, and as a result, I always seemed to end up with so much information in my head from so many different schools of thought, that I began to suffer from paralysis by analysis. In the end, I would never really take any action at all, because all the while I would be lying to myself that I ‘wasn’t quite’ ready yet to approach girls, as I wasn’t ‘perfect’. What I soon discovered however, that this was simply disguised as nothing more than a hidden form of procrastination. The real truth lay in the fact that I was never comfortable in having an actual interaction with a woman in the first place, stemming from a fear of failure as well as success. Also, I never felt comfortable in my own skin. So to combat these feelings, I was trying to compensate, by pouring over endless amounts of theory in the form of eBooks and seminars, so justifying my own behavior of not taking action because I was too busy ‘studying’.
We, as human beings, are always trying to get our own way. We live in a world where we believe we have the freedom to do what we please. We do to some degree. But it is also a world where we are living within a system that beneath its surface lurks an unconscious machine of social conditioning. It is a machine that often tries to dictate to us and control us. Not all social conditioning is bad however. It often teaches you about the rules of life via second hand knowledge, all packaged and sent out to you in a nice little bow, so you don’t have to spend years learning all of the ropes. But some of its knowledge it teaches is clearly outdated, and some of it damn right offensive. This is a society that teaches us from the moment we enter this world, we should conform, we should stand in rank and attach ourselves to group think to become one of the masses. This early type of brain washing begins when we are still impressionable young children, having been given some well meaning advice from our mothers, teaching us and instilling into us a heed warning to ‘not to approach strangers’ or ‘disturb people’. Perhaps, as a result of planting such a seed, it may be the real source of generating the feelings that are now being labeled as ‘Approach Anxiety’. But of course, they aren’t solely to blame. The media have a large hand to play. Every time we watch another romance film, we are taught again and again about the rules of courtship, and how the concept of ‘romantic flowers and candy’ will work every time when it comes to wooing the women of our dreams. And even on a more deeper level, we have religion that is dictating to us with a wagging finger to blindly follow the ‘no sex before marriage’ rule, instilling in us on a subconscious level that sex is in some way wrong, and eternal damnation awaits you if you give in to our desires and express what is naturally present within all of us.
We as men are also largely to blame. We force women into a role where if she sleeps with an abundance of men and gives in to her natural primal urges, she gets called all the colourful names under the sun, to a degree that would even make a call girl blush. If she doesn’t sleep around however, then she is given the title of being too frigid, a bore or a stiff, ensuring that whether she sinks or swims, she is still found guilty. Since men place women into that role, women will play that role. We are the very people who have placed them there in the first place.
One is often under the illusion that we are actually in control of our lives. Even when we stand in front of an elevator for example we press the lift button repeatedly, hoping that we can actually control reality and that the lift will come faster because we are demanding it so. The truth is the lift is actually based on a timer system which either goes to the other floors first or there is a slight delay before the lift begins in motion. The same reality changing exercise also occurs when one is stood in front of a pedestrian crossing, and we think by pressing the button repeatedly, we can somehow stop traffic at our will. This too is on a timer system and a false sense of security lures the unsuspecting victim into a belief that they are somehow in control of the outcome. It seems the evidence clearly dictates otherwise.
Therefore we have to ask the question; why are we always trying to get our own way? When you are having an interaction with a woman or anyone else for that matter, is it really necessary that you should try to add some form of a structure in terms of using ‘techniques’ and ‘methods’ and thus attempt to control a conversation so that you to get that outcome you so desire, so you can then satisfy your own ego? When you are standing there, or talking on the phone to your best friend or a family member, it may very well be that you have some vague idea in your head of what you may want to talk about, but even then, when you actually look closer at the content of the conversation, It always seem to end up being so unstructured and free flowing anyway. It often takes on a life of its own. Honestly, can one really be so flawlessly prepared when it comes to exercising with enough control that you should manipulate a conversation with a woman, to not only try and get your own way, but to also tick off all the boxes on your list of amusing and fantastic stories and chat up lines. Is it really that difficult to just walk up, have a normal conversation with another human being and not objectify that person by placing a value judgment on them? Are you not able to just go over and have a beautiful conversation with someone that could at once be intellectually stimulating? This also has the advantage of enhancing both you and her on a deep and emotional level. And it has to come from the right place. It has to come from a place of love on an internal level. You must Love yourself, you must love her as a human being first and also the effect that her feminine energy is having on you. Your intentions must never come from you trying to take something from her all the time, whether it is a validation seeking phone number that stolen kiss or even sex. But ask yourself why you desire that. Is it from a feeling of internal deficiency? Is it just another notch on the bedpost? Or is it that 30 second’s feeling of satisfaction, as you desperately try to plug that gap in your already low self esteem. Do you really need sex that badly to use it as a validation process so that you now feel good about yourself while nothing internal has actually changed?
When I have a conversation with someone, I don’t have to think about every single word that comes out of my head consciously, because I trust that my subconscious will takes over that big job and do that for me. The conversation, if you trust in yourself, will just naturally flow. To those who say they have ‘nothing to talk about’ must bear in mind that they have lived at least a few decades on this mortal coil and should come to the conclusion that the years they have lived so far will have more content in terms of conversation than they actually realize. And this, believe it or not, is not even with me having to think about what I want to say first. Also, deep down, you naturally know already what to say to a woman. You have conversations with people every day. Even after the initial anxiety of actually going up to a woman and saying hi, you must have that trust in yourself that you will be fine from that point on and that you will naturally say whatever it is that needs to be said. If you happen to freeze in the moment and you find nothing coming out, then that is simply you getting in your own way again, thinking too much, in which I have spoken about in a previous article. The truth is you do not have to be perfect in your delivery, people are just people. They do not expect anything spectacular from you. If you are clear in your intent she will pick up on this via your sub communication. The seduction itself is non verbal. So go and talk about the weather, the price of cheese and how it’s gone up in recent years and how you like to drink pineapple juice all day long for all I care, as long as you are sub communicating sexual desire and intent on a deep level and then giving her the choice to respond to that. It’s a well known fact that Women talk twice as much as men and not only that, but I’m sure you are aware that people love to talk about themselves in general. Why not take advantage of this fact and let the woman take care of the conversation for you while you are simply being present in the moment with her? If you still don’t know what to say or you find yourself at a loss for words, then you can change all this by getting her to answer questions about herself while you just stay quiet and listen. You will soon discover that what is actually being discussed isn’t really relevant at all and isn’t really registering to a woman anyway. It’s the overall vibe and intent behind the words that is being picked up. You should focus on trying to express what you have to say, by displaying emotion behind your words, and not try to impress by trying to show her what a cool guy you are. Remember, this isn’t an audition where you have to try and sell yourself because you already are a naturally great human being and this should come across anyway. Who you are will be felt on an internal level by the woman. If you sound interesting and interested, then for the most part, your work is done.
If you used to be like me, then you may be suffering from the problem of thinking too much. You are probably over analyzing things too much, and you are trying to understand the meaning behind each and every interaction. It’s all pointless anyway, because conversations are rarely often remembered the following day. Take a word of advice. Next time you decide to go and have an interaction with a woman, I simply ask of you to walk over, be clear in your intent and be in the moment, have a normal conversation with the focal point being on her, and stop trying to play god all the time by trying to get your own way. The beauty and the thrill in having an interaction is actually not knowing where they will go. Detach yourself from the outcome. Remember to let the music dictate to you where it wants to go. Let the interaction develop naturally and organically without adding in your own genetically modified thought processes to poison the conversation, and then just let the chips fall where they may. The answers you will find are already inside of you. You must simply give yourself permission to let go and accept them.